There is not a doubt in my mind, as I put quill to parchment, that no matter how high the adventure I relate to you that many of you can top me.  This is part of  the fun and I welcome it.

It was not unusual for me to be asked to emcee prestigious community events. During their presidential campaigns, one week, I introduced  John F Kennedy, and the next week,  introduced Richard Nixon..I brought on Ronald Reagan  three times when  he was governor and four times during his  presidency.

            There is a major parade in San Diego county called The Mother Goose Parade, attended by hundreds of thousands.  I was Grand Marshall of two of them. In one of the parades, I rode a Bomarc missile, straddling a horse saddle that a Navy Chief had cinched up for me. In a later parade, I was  mounted on a magnificent  parade horse named Silver. This Arabian stallion was often featured in the Rose  Parade.  Festooned with a silver inlaid saddle, horse aficionados told me he was one of the most beautifully configured horses they had ever seen. It wasn’t just his musculature, but his bearing. He knew he was special, and appeared to be prancing even while standing still.  His skin was pink under his silver coat, but he wasn’t an albino. His eyes were electric blue..

Silver was owned by Paul Phillips who generously loaned me this magnificent steed when he wasn’t riding him in major parades across the country.  It amused Paul to see me proudly ride Silver in events ranging from rodeos, to  parades,  and when I was Honorary Ringmaster at Ringling Brothers Circus.

Over a span of a dozen parades, I developed a close rapport with Silver and would wave to the crowd from the saddle while he  danced from one side of the street to the other., often in cadence  with the band in front of him, He would lift his forelegs high and stomp his hooves on the street, making sharp clops. He would swivel his giant hips  and rear and whinny joyously.. Silver could stop mid-prance if a kid suddenly ran into his path. He was so smart that all I had to do was nothing when riding him. He knew I wasn’t a real equestrian, so he basically told me to hop on and he would handle the rest.  

This included when I was the Grand Marshall of several rodeos In these events, I would mount Silver and click with my tongue, meaning, “You’re on your own, buddy, I am just here for the ride.  Get going and make me look good..”

At rodeos, he  saved his energy by meandering idly backstage before show time with me in the saddle till the band struck up a march, signaling the start of the rodeo. Then,  the gate would  burst open and, without a signal from me, he would explode out into the ring to the delight of the crowd, run to the end, wheel left,  run to the center full gallop, throw on the brakes in a cloud of dust,  rear up, then when he landed, walk backwards while bowing., I just sat there, letting the crowd think I was the greatest rider in the west. What I was really doing was hanging on, my hands clutching the reins in a death grip.

The Honorary Ringmaster gig was his first at a circus  but  he instinctively understood that the choreography was the same as the rodeo once I  trotted  him out into the outer ring.. Gallop full circle  in the outer ring, run like hell to the center, wheel into the center ring, put on the brakes, rear and back up while bowing. I then let go of my death grip and said the canned  “Ladies and  gentlemen, boys and girls, on the with the show”  speech,. A subtle dig in his ribs and a tongue click and Silver would race off to the rear area to Paul for an apple treat.. It went off without a hitch.

One year, I received an invitation to host a concert starring Lefty Frizzell and The Champs. Being a Texan, I appreciated Lefty but this was the time for The Champs and “Tequila.”  They  would open up for Lefty. I called Paul and asked him to loan me Silver for the concert which was to be held at Russ Auditorium, a  hall with 2000 capacity.  My plan was to ride Silver out onto the stage and do my bit  on horseback.

Paul was apprehensive.. Silver had never performed on a stage much less in such a confined venue. Nothing would  be familiar to him .The night of the concert arrived and Paul reluctantly delivered Silver in his van to the rear of the stage and I spent some time with my equine friend assuring him that everything would be just fine. I also welcomed  Paul’s suggestion that he stand by in the wings, just in case.

Another back-up: I decided to go out alone to bring on the Champs, using Silver only to bring on Lefty. The Champs bit went fine. Even the country half of the crowd loved them. How could you not like “Tequila” even if you loved country music? The Champs  stayed away from heavy rock and  went with more melodic and rhythmic songs with a country overtone, especially as sung by  young Glenn Campbell, then a member of the band .  Glenn played rhythm guitar with the group. He was a fine studio quality picker who made the vamp to “Tequila” famous.

This was the plan. I would stay on Silver and shout out ,”Well hi there. I’m . Happy Hare.” The crowd would respond “Hi there”  and I would do a gag, bring on Lefty,  and ride  Silver off stage.

The gag was: “A lot of you may not know that I was radio’s  Sam Spade. But, maybe you remember the famous opening of the radio show, ‘Hello  Effie this is Sam Spade. I was sitting in my office one day when suddenly there was a shot in the next room. So I ran in and drank it..” 

Now, the time came for me to ride out on  stage aboard Silver and bring on Lefty Frizzell. .”Okay big fella.”  I told Silver. “It’s show time.”. I stepped up on the stirrup and gave him a gentle nudge with my heel. He  responded with a half step half stumble toward the stage and into the glare of the blinding footlights. The crowd roared when they saw this. Silver had never been in front of a crowd that he couldn’t see. This almost spooked him but he trudged bravely on till we were stage center. I took the mike amid the continuing din of the full house.

I began my Sam Spade bit when I felt Silver begin to shiver. He let out a low pitched spasmodic rumble that I had never heard come out of him before. This was one of those go/.no go  times. I gave way to my show biz instincts and elected to go. I reckoned without 1500 pounds of no go under me.

“Well; Hi there, I’m Happy Hare” I shouted out.  “Hi there,” echoed the crowd. Okay so far. Ten  more seconds and I am outta here. I could feel Silver beginning to shiver more intensely and  lurch crazily from side to another. Grabbing onto the reins more tightly, I said, “A lot of you may not know I was radio’s  Sam Spade. Maybe you remember my famous opening line, “Hello Effie, this is Sam Spade. I was sitting in my office one day… Silver was beginning to panic….”when suddenly there was a SHOT” ……. I never got to the punch line. When I said the word “shot”  Silver simultaneously let go with  a thunderous bowel explosion accompanied by a spattering stream.

The crowd screamed with laughter. They must have thought I had trained the horse to crap on cue. I jumped off of Silver and stood ankle deep in a pile of  wet manure.  Paul dashed out and grabbed Silver’s reins and led him off stage. No  one thought to draw the curtain. The stage crew was paralyzed with laughter. So there  I stood.  

I  recovered from my shock and ran off stage. “You’re on,” I told Lefty . Who was standing waiting in the wings.” “The hell I am, “shouted Lefty,” I ain’t going out there and sing  in no horse shit.” .I looked toward a stage hand. who waved me off.. He wasn’t going out there either. “

Harkening back to my merchant marine days when my first assignment as an Ordinary Seaman was to clean the bilges, I said ” Give me a shovel and a bucket.”  I charged out and launched into shoveling the odiferous  mess into the bucket.  Now the crowd was really into it, screaming with laughter, thinking my manure policing bit was part of the show..

With a final flourish, I asked for and got a mop and provided Lefty with a somewhat clean work surface. That done, mop in hand,“ I  proclaimed , “And now here he is,  country music legend, Lefty Frizzell.”

I did not wait to hear Lefty but ran outside to comfort my friend, Silver . Paul thought it was funny and that was all I cared  about. I wrapped my arms around Silver’s neck and hugged him tightly. Then, Paul walked him into his van.

Fortunately for me, Silver was a forgiving horse and for many weekends after that, I went out to the open country east of the city,  saddled him up and ran him for hours. .There is nothing more beautiful than a running horse.

 He was tireless.. I rode him hard, but never  put him away wet. I always dried him off  with a fluffy towel, and cooled him down with a nice walk after the run. I walked beside him., and. when we finished our walk, he would stick his muzzle into my jacket and take out his apple treat.

Looking back on the Russ Auditorium fiasco, it all could have been avoided with better planning. I could have arranged for Silver to arrive earlier, taken him on stage, turned on the foot lights and let him get accustomed to the new experience.. It would have been flawless …but not the hilarious memory  it is now.