Part 1 of 2

When I saw the movie, “Network” a few years ago featuring Peter Finch in his memorable role as Howard Beal, the demented  newsman  who bellowed, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more,” I was as riled as everyone  else. He did tap into our collective feeling of disenfranchisement  We burst into spontaneous shouts of anger, yet watching Ben Shirley rant the news each morning on my KCBQ  morning show made Howard Beal old news to me.

I witnessed Ben’s towering fury  every morning for a couple of years at KCBQ in San Diego, and later at WADO  in New York. It was in the latter 50’s that I sat gripping my arm rest while Ben gave vent to a soul full of rage. He disrupted our audience’s  central nervous systems every hour. I lived in the same world as Ben, but I must have been missing something, because I was willing to let most tribulations pass, not him.

All local political issues, no mater how trivial to me, ignited his inner fires. No one was safe. Imagine me,  assuring everyone  (42% of the local audience)  that living is fun, then having  Ben come  in, undoing  all of my good works. The public loved it……... and so did I…privately..

I stoked the fires by teasing for his newscasts. I would say things  like, “Ben Shirley is fuuurious about something, and he won’t say what it is. (ominously)  

            Uh oh!…..Somebody is in for it this morning.” Ben came crashing in three times each morning.

 He gave voice to our latent suspicions that politicians were on the take and not acting in our interests, unless those interests coincided with their own and their lobbyist supporters. He was a complement to my message of hope. Alone, he would have been a bust. People don’t want to hear prophecies of doom in pure unadulterated form.

I think that Moses would have done a lot better job of disseminating the word of God with an audience warm-up after he came down from the mountain lugging those stone  tablets, and springing the Ten Commandments on the children of Israel.

“How do you do, ladies and germs. I just came down the mountain schlepping these stone tablets. And Boy! Are my arms tired.  (Dadum)

“I have these Ten Commandments on these tablets. Let’s see…. Ah!  Here is one.

            “Don’t Commit Adultery  Reminds me  of the one where Sol caught his wife, Deborah, in bed with his best friend, Abe, and he says, “Abe!  I have to, but you?.” (Dadum).

Moses is on a roll………then loses them when he gets heavy-handed.……..

“If you think wandering aimlessly around the desert year after year is tough, just wait. I foresee a time when you will have a home called Israel, and there will be millions of  what will become known as Islamics  trying to take it away from you, because they will claim that the homeland you live in is really theirs. But they are the same children of Abraham as you. Love them. You have to learn to live together. Maybe, invite the Islamics  to come live in Israel with you. Meet them half way. Instead of calling your country Israel, give the Islams  equal billing.  Call it Israelam.  (No one laughs)  Moses takes a  beat and says, “These are the jokes, folks. Hey! What are you? An audience or a bunch of stone icons?”

Moses received pretty good notices, but because he lacked a light touch, we have had trouble figuring out God’s Laws ever since. I have learned from this. Ever since I went on the air, I have learned that there are some thing’s so serious that you just have to laugh. .

It had been  years since I had been on the air with a show when I was called by Roger Hedgecock to fill in on his top rated talk show on KOGO Radio. Roger, as you may  know, is Rush Limbaugh’s favorite sub. He has publicly proclaimed me as his mentor. So, what could I say?  Of course, yes, but I also did it to promote my favorite cause which was to rescue the thousands  of travelers, mostly elderly, from having to end their cruises in Ensenada, Mexico, instead of San Diego because of an archaic law that restricted cruise travel..

Going back on the air cold turkey the day of the broadcast was complicated by knowing that my guest list included Senator John McCain. I greatly admired him, but had no time for debilitating awe because there he stood, flashing the famous McCain smile in the doorway. Sucking it up, I invited him in and was relieved  right off to see that he is a “guy.” when not being…well…John McCain. I had done my homework on him, so the interview about his favorite causes flowed smoothly as  the end of his session neared and I said, “Senator, I want to ask you a serious question about San Diego.” He said, “Shoot!”

I told him that the Passenger Vessel Services Act of 1886 forbade cruise liners from making more than two stops when sailing down the west coast, that  a foreign ship,, which is most of them, stops in Seattle or Los Angeles or San Francisco, it has  to end its cruise in Ensenada instead of San Diego, because of this strange Act...

I started to describe the hardship suffered by mostly elderly travelers  by having to land in Ensenada, and then taking a three hour bus trip to San Diego during which  they handle their own luggage through two border inspections……and he raised his hand for me to belay the oratory and shook his head yes, that  he knew about the unfair Act, and promised that he would go back to Washington and introduce a bill to veto the Act enabling Cruise Companies to make as many  stops in the U.S. as they wished, thereby including San Diego.

A week after that, I attended  a lawn party at Roger Hedgecock’s home when I was approached by Mike Glickenhaus, the San Diego boss of the 12 Clear Channel Communication stations. He introduced himself and said, “I would like for you to help KPOP Radio. How about it?” I was flummoxed. I had returned from Cleveland and Detroit years before, vowing to end my radio career. Then, after nine months of doing other things, KCBQ had lured me back on the air which I did successfully for a  couple of years, raising that station from #5 to #1, then bowing out of radio again. I had done everything except fly to the moon and was into other gripping  pursuits, including doing absolutely nothing..

Now years later, here was a powerful radio executive whom I greatly respected,   paying me the compliment of  asking me to get back on the radio. My brain was not wired that way any more, so I simply stared at him in the same dumb way  that the ape man did in “2001, A Space Odyssey”  when confronted by that black obelisk. I don’t remember any resolution of that exchange with Mr Glickenhaus except that a few hours later, it hit me that it felt great  that he had asked me to come “help.”

Meanwhile, back  in Washington, Senator McCain fulfilled his pledge to begin the process of repealing the Passenger  Vessel Services  Act of 1886,*  by introducing a Bill in the senate.

What followed is mind blowing. When the bill hit the hopper, the bull hit the crapper. Opposition materialized from a myriad of quarters. It was not that the bill was bad. It was too good. I learned that when a bill is too virtuous, it is hijacked  by lawmakers, holding it for ransom so they can tack on amendments of their own.  

Senator Trent Lott made a conditional agreement, basically saying to McCain, “I will vote for your repeal if you will agree to arrange for two ships to be built in my shipyard at Pascagoula.”

Senator Daniel Inouye was amenable to the repeal  based on a major condition,  He agreed to build the two ships requested by Senator Lott in the Pascagoula shipyard if Lott would help  arrange a low interest loan to his  main supporter, American Classic Voyages in Honolulu. Senator Lott finagled a low interest government loan  to Senator Inouye, and The Hawaiian senator okayed construction of the two passenger liners in Pascagoula.

 Senator Diane Feinstein held up the bill insisting that McCain put in a proviso that all foreign ships would fly the American flag and hire only American officers.

She was beholden to a powerful lobby, the American Maritime Officers Union.

General Dynamics held the bill hostage by insisting that each foreign cruise company had to build at least two ships domestically before they would give their lawmakers permission to sign onto the repeal. This, despite the fact that building each ship in the U.S. costs 150 million dollars more than building it overseas.  

Events took an even more bizarre turn. Enter President George Bush. who had it in for  Senator Lott since Lott had regally stated on national television.” I hope George Bush doesn’t think he is going to come to Washington and run things in the Senate just because he got elected President.” 

The low interest loan was pulled out from under the Pascagoula shipyard deal.

            This sank American Classic Voyages, Senator Inouye’s champion in Hawaii. They declared bankruptcy because they would not be able to pay for the completion of the two large cruise liners already half finished at Pascagoula ...Wait there’s more... next week…. 

An epiphany hit me…Ben Shirley was right!  

I called  Mike Glickenhaus and told him I would “help” KPOP, not full time, but mid-days Saturdays and Sundays. I knew Mike to be a straight shooting, brilliant radio man, all the more reason to say yes. And, if I could just find some way to penetrate the Clear Channel wall of long music sweeps and four minute spot clusters in order to promote the repeal of the Passenger Vessel  Services  Act of 1886, so much the better.

                      *THE PASSENGER VESSEL SERVICES ACT OF  1886

                                        (Not to be confused with The Jones Act)

This Act allows only ships either built in the U.S or sailing under a U.S. Flag to carry passengers between two U.S. ports. If a foreign vessel, which is most of them, stops in Seattle, or San Francisco or L.A., it can’t stop in San Diego without first visiting a foreign port. 

 To  be continued….. Read next weeks exciting episode titled, “Cluster’s Last Stand”.