The amazing John Rook picked up my last Radio Daily News piece titled,

“The Coming Boom:  “BOOMER  RADIO” and is running it in his blog.  

Support John  in his quest to establish a Hit Parade Hall of Fame   

Elvis, Jo Stafford, Frank Sinatra, Pat Boone, Tony Bennett, Neil Diamond,

and many more have never been in a Hall of Fame,            

            Visit  John Rook’s site at   www.JohnRook.com . Help set things straight. 

A few years ago, I was an on-air guest on a Roger Hedgecock KOGO remote at a San Diego Padres charity event when I was approached by Larry Lucchino just before he left town to run the Boston Red Sox. He smiled and hesitantly asked, ”Are you always that happy?” Startled that (Good Lord!) Larry Lucchino was a listener, I managed to blurt out simplistically that I was always happy when I was on the air 

It took years for me to gain that “happy” reputation with usually passive radio listeners, but now it helps me set the mood when I open a show, fade the music, and joyously  proclaim,” Well Hi there, this is Happy Hare.”  That short burst of manic energy prepares my well conditioned audience for fun things to come. It is not a Rod Roddy game show delivery but a high energy one-on-one that comes across as the real thing…and it is. 

To me, even dark dank Control Rooms are fun, although many jocks shrink away from them. Now I ask you; how can you go into an “8 x 12”  room with just you and your thoughts isolated from everyone and not be fulfilled. But then, I have never been in the “Hole” at Pelican Bay  

Come to think of it, maybe some of those Pelican Bay “Hole Guys” could be rehabilitated by giving them morning shows. Don’t tell me they would be too outrageous. Have you heard some of the morning shows these days? Outrage is “in.”  

 `          As promised last  week, We will enter a virtual control room.  

To refresh your memory about  “the clock,” I would play three songs coming out of the top of the hour news, then run an isolated 90 second live adlib commercial, charged at a premium rate. If you are leery of adlibs, run two canned 60’s. 

As a happy morning jock in the control room, I would open the hour teasing and billboarding the main thing I want to exploit in that hour, a hot topic among my listeners.  

Let’s see now. What to do? What to do? There is Anna Nicole; too tragic for my kind of  morning show, and scrolling out of the news rotation, anyway.. Keith Richards snorting his father’s ashes?  Naw!  Leave that to the shock jocks. Besides, he told us he was just joking. Imus stinking up his show with racial hatred? Not for me.  

I’ve got it! The American Idol controversy: Sanjaya Malakar, the17 year old the kid with the Mohawk hair-do. 70 million “Idol” devotees doubtless have heard by now that Howard Stern is being accused of skewing the results of the ballots by advocating to his satellite radio audience that they vote for Sanjaya, an obvious loser. The result has been a flooding of ballots voting for Sanjaya, when he, no doubt, would have been blown off the show in a legitimate voting process.  

On with the show!  I always lead off  with an upbeat song. 

Music:             Louie Prima and Keely Smith:” That Old Black Magic” fade intro.

 

            Hare:              “ Well hi there, this is Happy Hare.”

                This  burst of energy saying, “Hi there!” is all it takes to prepare my audience for fun things to come.

     

            Hare:              (Still over the Intro)  “Here are Louie and Keely on (station) with…”

 

Music              “That Ol Black Magic” to ending, and segue to:

                                    “That’s What Friends Are For.”            

(That’s What Friends Are For” has a long intro and  runs over 4 minutes, so I can cheat and “tease” over the intro, then do a “tease” after the song before going into the 3d song. of the set.)

           “Friends” ends, and I do a short set-up tease for the Howard Stern “American Idol “ caper.

            Hare:

“I am getting flooded with emails and phone calls. Ay Caramba! You are reeeally worked up over the “American Idol” controversy in which  Howard Stern has been accused of telling his listeners to vote for the least popular Sanjaya Malakar,one of the contestants who should have been blown off the show weeks ago It is a typical Howard bit.  Dozens of you are calling and are asking if I think it’s fair. (Incredulous)  Fair? Howard Stern. Fair?” The American Idol?” Fair? Hmmm! I’ll  have to think about that one while Linda Ronstadt (or Nat Cole) sings this grabber, Straighten Up and Fly Right. at TS on Station ID.” 

Song:               Straighten Up and Fly Right. 

Hare    “Straighten  Up and Fly Right” something Howard Stern has trouble doing. It seemed like fair game to Howard to jump on “The American Idol” and hack into it by “skewing” the results, or “screwing” the results by telling his listeners to vote for the least likely contestant, Sanjaya Malakar. When American Idol started out, it belonged to the judges, empowered to make or break the young singers. The show has become huge,. and the judges have gradually lost that power, because over the weeks,  the public adopted the show as their own and took personal interest in who stayed or went among the contestants .That’s what Howard didn’t understand when he intruded into the show. He was disenfranchising million of voters who have adopted the show. American Idol doesn’t belong to ABC, the Producers even the cruel Simon Cowell, the merciless judge. Howard, the King of all Media will be dethroned unless he gets out of the way, and lets the show runs it natural course dictated by the fans, the real American Idols..  That is my “Stern” Rebuke for this morning. 

Remember, this is a slot for a 90 second adlib. The Howard bit was a 25 second prelude to a commercial for a Mercedes dealer. Now for the “seamless” entry into the commercial part of the ad adlib. I will not burden you with the whole spot. just the entry. Back to the show.                     .

Hare:   “I’ll  tell you who would never get caught in the trap that Howard is in: Angelo                                      Damante of Mercedes Benz of Escondido. He knows you, the public, run the show.

 He’s the “American Idol” of car dealers in Southern California”… 

Adlib continues up to 90 seconds total including the  Howard  “bit” which is part of the pitch.                       

The poor public is so beat up that they don’t  even notice one or two commercials at a time.  

Rather than subject you to the “clock” which I displayed last week, let me simply review

the  order of music in relation to the spots. Remember, the 2 60’s can be replaced by a 90

second live adlib. I have already given you a number of songs in previous pieces.

                       

Top of the Hour News              1 60’

3 Songs                                   

2 60’s or a live 90’ adlib

2 Songs                                               

2 60’s or an adlib

3 Songs                                   

2 60’s or an adlib

2 Songs                                   

2 60’s or an adlib

2 Songs                                               

2 60’s or an adlib

3 Songs                                   

2 60’s or a live adlib.

2 Songs            13 commercial minutes             

                        17 Songs                             

 

                        In the above exercise, I showed how I alone do it. I enjoyed a lot of success with this clock
                        and it is, I believe, the best way to produce a  tight and bright show.   

Believe it or not. I always got mileage with one-liners  like: “Would lightning be faster if you straightened out the zigzags?” no lead-ins, just do ‘em. 

Next week I will tackle the sensitive issue of racial slurs and filthy talk on the radio, not from a sanctimonious angle, but simply an overview. 

Too many popular artists are seeing rehab when they could simply return to the old Testament values.  This is why I am giving my piece next week an Old Testament name,

“The Book of Rehab”